So, it’s ironic that in this moment of my life, the latest album of Kylie Minogue is stuck in my head and my heart, when it’s clearly the soundtrack of love.

it means a lot to me, that wonderful concert with my (then)boyfriend. filling our bodies and souls with the magic of kylie, her presence, her music. the crowd going crazy and obvious love in the air.

There was a lot of gay people around, and what else can be love than that.

i was with the person i though was the one for me, but i wasn’t the one for him, he later found out (oh crap yeah).

every song reminds me of him, of what i felt, and what it wasn’t there.

For example: “All I See“. Check out this wonderful lyrics:

Weekend has arrived
Everybody’s trying to find something to get into
My friends wanna go out
But I can’t cancel my plans
Got a date with my baby he’s picking me up
So I’m gonna catch up with you some other day
Gotta go can’t make him wait tonight
Have to make sure I’m looking hot
‘Cos we’re going to our favourite spot
Till the morning we’re gonna rock
Boy you rock me up (yeah)
My baby
Doesn’t matter what’s going on
Or who’s around us
All I see is you
Right now they’re playing our song
Dancefloor is ours
All I see is you
The DJ’s got me feelin’ like I did
When I first met you
And there’s nothing that can’t break us apart
In two
‘Cos all I see is you
I get lost in time
When I’m lookin’ in your eyes
And we’re body to body
I don’t want you to rush
‘Cos you’re feeling like heaven to me
Follow the rhythm
And keep it real close
In the dark everything goes
Love it better when you touch
(Don’t stop)
Baby ‘cos we’ve just begun
Have to make sure I’m looking hot
‘Cos we’re going to our favourite spot
Till the morning we’re gonna rock
Boy you rock me up (yeah)
My baby
Doesn’t matter what’s going on
Or who’s around us
All I see is you
Right now they’re playing our song
Dancefloor is ours
All I see is you
The DJ’s got me feelin’ like I did
When I first met you
And there’s nothing that can’t break us apart
In two
‘Cos all I see is you
Oh oh oh
Please don’t let me go oh oh
My love for you’s growing
More and more and more
As we move across the floor
‘Cos all I see is you
‘Cos all I see is you
DJ spin my record again
My baby
Doesn’t matter what’s going on
Or who’s around us
All I see is you
Right now they’re playing our song
Dancefloor is ours
All I see is you
The DJ’s got me feelin’ like I did
When I first met you
And there’s nothing that can’t break us apart
In two
‘Cos all I see is you  

Isn’t it awesome? isn’t it what we all feel when we’re in love? like the world can fall apart, it doesn’t matter, all that matters in your eyes is your loved one. Yeah, i felt like that. and maybe for a while he felt the same way back. but then he gave too much importance to what “others” said about us. Here’s the funny story; a “friend” of him told him he saw us in a mall all passionate and “inappropriate” kissing in public. Well, what can i say. First i think is so fraking lame to care about what others say. Second, let me tell ya, when my friends saw me with him, they could see and feel the love in the air, so they really didn’t care about much but feel happy about me. Ok let’s pick another scenario, when you see a couple in love, don’t you fell just a little bit of joy? you can see them in love, even if they are strangers, and you feel like “aw so cute” or whatever. if you’ve ever been in love, you see a couple that’s completely unaware of the world outside and you feel like “aw i know how that feels” and you even feel a little happiness, even if those are complete strangers, because it gives you hope that love does exist.

so i’ve been trial and found guilty of ignoring the whole world because all i saw was him, and i really didn’t care about what others thought. Ok yeah, i admit it I’M FRAKING GUILTY! i don’t give a fuck about what others think or say about me! specially if i’m in love!!! fuck them ok? i’m not hurting anybody by kissing my boyfriend in the street, in the mall or even in the fucking church. if someone feels hurt by that, you kow what, go FUCK YOURSELF. go find love bitch! if you feel disgusted by seeing someone in love, go fucking die. go fucking leave the world in peace because you are one of those people that can’t accept someone else’s happiness. i don’t want that kind of people in my life. go AWAY and BE GOOD GONE.

Anyway. i feel relieved to make my point here.

Moving to another song, we have a beautiful “The One”, check this out:

Starlight shimmers everywhere
There’s a certain something in the air
Can you feel what I feel in me?
It’s in the air, electricity oh, oh
Glimmering under neon lights
I can see the look, that’s in your eyes
Like a shooting star in a galaxy
Making it’s way to the heart of me
I’m the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
My pulse is racing and I’m feeling high
Never-ending starts tonight
When you do what you do to me
Come on and let yourself feel the need in me, oh oh
Circling and we’re getting close
Can you imagine, just suppose
It’s a feeling that I need to know
Close to touch like Michelangelo
I’m the one
Love me, love me, love me, love me
Can you hear me?
I’m connecting with you
Can you feel me?
I’ll do anything to have you near me
I was wondering will you reach me?  

So pretty. Isn’t it? We all just want to feel we’re the one to someone else. and when we are we just feel it. i just wanted to be the one for you. i wanted you to love me. like a prayer “love me love me love me”… and well. i wasn’t that one. i would have don anything for you, but you didn’t reach me, you pulled me apart anyway…

well. i just wanted/needed/expected love. nothing else.

you were the one for me dear. or so i thought. now thinking again, the One for me, won’t be bothered by me, by my imperfections, or by the way i am. loud, foul mouth, exuberant laugh. straight to the point, analytic, serious, rational, and all the opposites. someone to want that, will be the one.

How about “Wow”:

Read my lips, I’m into you,
I’m into you,
Can’t resist,
You’re so hot (get me into the shade)
The spotlight’s on
You creep into it,
You like it and,
Just the way that you dance,
Just the way that you dance.

 

(Yeah yeah) Is enough to love me baby,
(Yeah yeah yeah) Is enough to send me crazy,
(Yeah yeah) Such an angelic motion,
(Yeah yeah yeah) You know you’re made in heaven.

The way you walk, the rhythm when you’re dancing,
Every inch of you spells out desire,
You’re such a rush (rush), the rush is never ending,
Now,
You got it, you’re wow wow wow wow,
You got it, you’re wow wow wow wow.

The more I try, I try to stop,
The more I can feel my antenna just sensing you up,
And what can I do?
I’m into you, I’m into you,
Love the way that you move,
Just love the way that you move.
(Yeah yeah) Such an angelic motion,
(Yeah yeah yeah) you know you’re made in Heaven.

 

The way you walk, the rhythm when you’re dancing,
Every inch of you spells out desire,
You’re such a rush (rush), the rush is never ending,
Now,
You got it, you’re wow wow wow wow,
You got it, you’re wow wow wow wow.

The thing is that it’s not always about love. it need a little physical connection too. and when you have both, in deed it’s WOW! and we had both i think. he said he couldn’t stop himself from touching me (not a pervert way) and i’m a touchy person, i love to be touched and to touch. and i loved the way we touched each other. always, holding hands, caressing, kisses were like heaven. it’s hard to get that with someone, i don’t think i’ll ever have that.

let’s keep going, “2 hearts”:

You make me invisible
Like the sky, you make my day
I feel so wonderful
Oh, oh, oh, don’t let go   Now, see, there’s a darker few
It feels like I never saw the sun
Should I shout for a rescue
Oh, oh, oh, don’t let go
Oh, oh, oh, don’t let go
Two hearts are beating, together.
I’m in love (woohoo)
I’m in love (woohoo)
Is this forever, and ever
I’m in love (woohoo)
I’m in love (woohoo)
Looks good in the sunshine
Hold on, ‘cause
I’m coming up for air
I can’t even see up here
Oh, oh, oh, don’t let go
Oh, oh, oh, don’t let go
Two hearts are beating, together.
I’m in love (woohoo)
I’m in love (woohoo)
Is this forever, and ever
I’m in love (woohoo)
I’m in love (woohoo)

indeed in love feels like heaven, and your significant other is the sun and the stars of that heaven. and in that high heaven, you see  nothing else. he was that for me, i really felt our hearts connected beating together, inseparable… guess what, we were separated after all. by the pressure he couldn’t handle, by his “friend”’s comments. by his own doubts. anyway, i had to keep reminding me that no matter how strong i felt it, it wasn’t the same for him. it’s the only reason we’ve been thrown to this point.

let’s move to the first song i fell in love with in this album “In my Arms”:

How do you describe the feeling?
I’ve only ever dreamt of this
DJ’s spinning up my favorite song
Hurry up and get a groove on
Life’s fantastic and it won’t be long
Don’t let the moment slip away
Cause you and I could find a pleasure
No one else has ever known
Feels like it is now or never
Don’t wanna be alone
How does it feel in my arms?
How does it feel in my arms?
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Can you feel it?
Tell me
How does it feel in my arms?
Got a feeling this is something strong
All I wanna do is move on
No more wondering were I belong
So never go away
Cause you and I are guilty pleasure
No one else has ever known
Feels like it is now or never
Don’t wanna be alone
How does it feel in my arms?
How does it feel in my arms?
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Can you feel it?
Tell me
How does it feel in my arms?
I’m listening

No part of this song is bad. all of it is good and perfect. i simply adore it. i felt good in his arms you know. i think for a moment he felt good too. what can be stronger than that feeling?? i still wonder. this song was us. now it’s not. wonder what went really wrong. wonder how could something else be stronger. anyway, if i was just that bad for him, if i really have something he couldn’t stand, then it’s ok. those things part of me were stronger. and all of this was an illusion. no problem. i’ll be alright.

Let’s move to “Sensitized”:

Sensitized by every word that you say
boy you got me messed up
but I like it that way
Tantalized just too good to refuse
when I try to stop ya
you keep blowing my fuse
can’t deny how hot I’m feeling
if my body could fly
I’d hit the ceiling cause
I can’t hold back, the minute I try
baby you trip the switch and I’m sensitized
ev’ry touch, whatever you do
baby you trip the switch, I turn on for you
energized by all the pleasure and pain
boy you got that something
that burns a spark to a flame look at me, you got me begging for more cause you got that one thing I hadn’t discovered before
can’t deny how rude I’m feeling
if my body could talk
you’d hear me screaming
can’t hold back, the minute I try
baby you trip the switch and I’m sensitized
ev’ry touch, whatever you do
baby you trip the switch, I turn on for you
I’m sensitized tonight and you can watch me come alive
I’m sensitized tonight and you can watch me come alive
I’m sensitized tonight and you can watch me come alive
I’m sensitized tonight, I’m sensitized tonight
I come alive
baby you know it’s true, I feel this for you
I come alive
baby you know it’s true, I feel this for you
I come alive

how else can i put it? i was sensitized. open to everything he said. not just physical, but spiritual. in my soul. i believed for the first time in a LONG FRAKING TIME that i was loved. i believed him every time he said he loved me. i felt good with all his pretty words. he said he loved the contradiction of me. he loved me being tough and tender. strong and sensitive. all that is part of me. he said he loved it. and guess what, i wasn’t perfect like he said. he couldn’t take the whole pack in. i wasn’t enough. i wasn’t perfect.

guess what. i knew about his weakness. his imperfection. i never rejected him for that. because all of it, made him perfect. i wanted to stay by his side on his weakness, i could have stayed while he handled the pressure he was under. i could have learned a lot. but i guess it’s not an option anymore.

This one was a pretty song to see live, “Heart Beat Rock”:

Lovers in the back seat
Boys in the back street
Girls in their tight wash
Figure hugging blue jeans
They’re looking like they want
To show out what they got
Their feet are itching to dance
Their bodies ready to rock
I’ve been around the world
But I’m not those other girls
I’m feeling special do you like what you see?
‘Cause I got my best dress on
Can I be your fantasy?
‘Cause I can make your heartbeat rock
I can make your heartbeat rock
I can make your heartbeat rock
I can make your heartbeat rock ooh, ooh…
Baby show me what you got
Baby show me what you got
I can make you so damn hot
I can make you so damn hot
‘Cause I can make your heart beat
ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah
Ladies in the spotlight
Boys are checking their tights
Skirts out while their hips sway
Bumping to the hot track
People take a step back
C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon
‘Cause I can make your heartbeat rock  

Yeah moving to greener paths. i felt special, and i thank you because right now i still do. i’m not that bad am i? i’m not like other girls, i’m one of a kind, and indeed i rocked your world as long as you left me and you want to remember.

he rocked my world in a very positive way. he made me happy, he made my heat beat like crazy in crazy tunes and rhythms. for that i’m thankful.

here’s one, and it couldn’t be deeper, “Cosmic”:

I wanted to write a song called ‘Cosmic’
I wanted to get a view of the earth
I wanted to be your lonesome cowboy
I wanted to love you till it hurt
I wanted the right to misbehave
To say she ain’t my crave
I put these things aside for years
Till laughter took the place of tears
It’s like I was asleep yet now I’m here
I’m here
I wanted to take your place just sometimes
To know the things you know and why you did the things you do
To say ‘no’ one time and believe it
Oh I wanted so much but only needed you
Wasn’t it just my choice to make,
the bed in which I lay?
I put these things aside for years
Till laughter took the place of tears
It’s like I was asleep yet now I’m here
I’m here
I wanted to be able to talk without the interruption
I wanted to sing exotic words
I wanted to find a way to put the end to all of my destruction
I wanted to re-know what I was worth
But wasn’t it just my choice to make,
the bed in which I lay?
I put these things aside for years
Till laughter took the place of tears
It’s like I was asleep yet now I’m here
I’m here (it’s cosmic)
I’m here (it’s cosmic)  

breath taking uh? i’ve never denied. i was dying when he appeared in my life. there was so much pain and tears and he came and filled my life with light and hope and laughter. he opened the door in my life and he coach me out without knowing it. he gave me the chance to love and be happy again. for that i’m thankful, more than he’ll ever know. i would have loved to stay like that, happy and plenty, singing just for him, talking, listening, living and learning with him, but like the song says it “but wasn’t it just my choice to make, the bed in which i lay”. he chose for us. it wasn’t up to my great whishes. it was about 2. and one fell out of love, it’s the end of the deal for me, nothing to do.

still. after all, i’m here. alive and kicking. found my worth again. and hell yeah it’s cosmic.

finally to end with gold, the bittersweet “No More Rain”:

Have you ever thought, that the sky was just endlessly dark?
And then you look up, and see a million stars
Have you ever been scared of the water, and stuck on the edge?
And then you dive in, how quickly you forget
Your fears that kept you awake at night
Now that I’m back in the light so warm
I feel it like a
Wave of love coming over me
Got a glitter drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand chance, gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain
No more (rain)
No more (rain)
No more (rain)
No more
Have you ever dreamt you were flying until you look down?
You never moved an inch, feet firmly on the ground
Our love carries the hurt that you hold
Funny how life can unfold
Oh yeah, I feel it like a

Wave of love coming over me
Got a glitter drop fall and I’m on my knees
Got the sound of you ringing in my ears
Sun coming up on another day
Got a second hand chance, gonna do it again
Got rainbow colours and no more rain

  No more (rain)
No more (rain)
No more (rain)
No more

i’ll tell ya why it’s bittersweet; i felt like no more rain when i met him and he got in my life, stuck in my heart. i felt like i had another chance to making thins right and to be happy.

now, he’s not in me… he’s not with me. but still i hear Kylie everyday, and that and our memories exorcised today with this post, i can hope, there will be no more rain.

after writing this, i feel good. with myself, with us.

no more rain, just keep living, that and my love for music is all that’s left and it’s more than enough to keep going.

over and happily out.

Sí
Yo quería ser esa mujer
La madre de tus hijos
Y juntos caminar hacia el altar
Directo hacia la muerte
Y al final ni hablar
Los dos nos destruimos
Y al final qué tal
Tú y yo ya no existimos

No
No quiero ser esa mujer
Ella se fue a un abismo
Tú no eres aquel
Que prometió sería mi súper héroe
Y qué todo acabó
No queda más
Seremos dos extraños
Yo
Te olvidaré
Me olvidarás
Hasta nunca

Y donde quedó
Ese botón que lleva a la felicidad
Luna de miel rosa pastel
Clichés y tonterías
Y al final ni hablar
Los dos nos destruimos
Y al final qué tal
Tú y yo ya no existimos

No
No quiero ser esa mujer
Ella se fue a un abismo
Tú no eres aquel
Que prometió sería mi súper héroe
Y qué todo acabó
No queda más
Seremos dos extraños
Yo
Te olvidaré
Me olvidarás
Hasta nunca.

Well Hello world
Hope you’re listening
Forgive me if I’m young
For speaking out of turn
There’s someone I’ve been missing
And I think that they could be
The better half of me
They’re in their own place trying to make it right
But I’m tired of justifying
So I say to you..

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oooh

I get lost in the beauty
Of everything I see
The world ain’t as half as bad
As they paint it to be
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now..Yeahh
Well maybe I’m just dreaming out loud
But until then

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oooh

Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here
Everything I can’t be
Is everything you should be
And that’s why I need you here
So hear this now

Come home
Come home
Cause I’ve been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there’s a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I’ve ever known
So come home
Oooh

Tears Dry On Their Own by Amy Winehouse

All I can ever be to you
Is the darkness that we know
And this regret I got accustomed to
Once it was so right
When we were at our high
Waiting for you in the hotel at night
I knew I hadn’t met my match
But every moment we could snatch
I don’t know why I got so attached
It’s my responsibility
And you don’t owe nothing to me
But to walk away I have no capacity

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day, but I’m grown
And in your wake, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

 

I don’t understand
Why do I stress the man
When there’s so many bigger things at hand
We coulda never had it all
We had to hit a wall
So this is inevitable withdrawal
Even if I stop wanting you
And perspective pushes thru
I’ll be some next man’s other woman soon

 

I can’t play myself again
I should just be my own best friend
Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day, but I’m grown
And in your wake, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

 

So we are history
Your shadow covers me
The sky above ablaze

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day, but I’m grown
And in your wake, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own

 

I wish I could say no regrets
And no emotional debts
Cos as we kiss good bye the sun sets
So we are history
Your shadow covers me
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day but I’m grown
And in your wake, my blue shade
My tears dry on their own

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day but I am grown
And in your wake
My deep shame
My tears dry on their own

 

He walks away
The sun goes down
He takes the day but I’m grown
And in your wake
My deep shame
My tears dry

She said I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough
I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
And I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved
By the hand that’s touched me
Well I feel like something gonna give
And I’m a little bit angry, well
This ain’t over, no not here
Not while I still need you around
You don’t owe me, we might change it
Yeah, we just might feel good

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
I will

She said I don’t know why you ever would lie to me
Like I’m a little untrusting
When I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya
And I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me
You couldn’t stand to be near me
When my face don’t seem to want to shine
Cause it’s a little bit dirty well
Don’t just stand there, say nice things to me
I’ve been cheated I’ve been wronged
And you, you don’t know me, I can’t change
I won’t do anything at all

 

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you for granted
well I will

Oh, but don’t bowl me over
Just wait a minute, well it kinda fell apart
Things get so crazy, crazy
Don’t rush this baby
Don’t rush this baby, baby

I wanna push you around, well I will, well I will
I wanna push you down, well I will, well I will
I wanna take you for granted
I wanna take you, take you, take you

well I will

Look at me dreaming of you
All I could hope is to have you
To have you walking with me
Laughing so in love, we two
Almost drunkenly
I did imbibe of this
Fantasy of you and me

 

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

 

I’ve grown tired of love
You are the trouble with me
I watch you walk right by
I smile, you do not notice me
Treat me recklessly
All you do is toss me pennies out
But the silence in me is screaming
Won’t you come and get me?

 

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

Was I a fool to think?
The way you looked at me
I swear you did
But you looked away too quick
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think
That you would take me home
As if I was yours
Was I a fool to think at all?

 

You make a mess of me here
I dance a thousand steps for you
And if you say yes to me
I’ll be whatever gets you through
You make a mess of me here (was I a fool?)
I dance a thousand steps for you (was I a fool?)
Was I a fool, was I a fool to think?
Am I a fool, am I a fool for you?

The early cars
Already are
Drawing deep breaths past my door
And last night’s phrases
Sick with lack of basis
Are still writhing on my floor

And it doesn’t seem fair
That your wicked words should work
In holding me down
No, it doesn’t seem right
To take information
Given at close range
For the gag
And the bind
And the ammunition round

Conversation once colored by esteem
Became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood
Took a vacation, my palate got clean
Now I can taste your agenda
While you’re spitting your cud

And it doesn’t make sense
I should fall for the kingcraft of a meritless crown
It doesn’t seem right
To take information
Given at close range
For the gag
And the bind
And the ammunition round

This is not about love
‘Cause I am not in love
In fact I can’t stop falling out

This is not about love
‘Cause I am not in love
In fact I can’t stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache

“What is this posture I have to stare at”
That’s what he said when I was sittin’ up straight
Change the name of the game when he lost it
He knew he was wrong but he knew it too late
But I’m not being fair
‘Cause I chose to listen to that filthy mouth
But I’d like to choose right
Take all the things that I said that he stole
Put ‘em in a sack
Swing ‘em over my shoulder
Turn on my heels
Step out of this sight
Try to live in a lovelier light

This is not about love
‘Cause I am not in love
In fact I cant stop falling out

This is not about love
‘Cause I am not in love
In fact i cant stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache

I was staring at the sky
Just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on
Or something like that

I was having a sweet fix
Of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew
Was a hopeless to be had

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances were
Approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold ’cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works
When it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today
Looking for a strand to climb
Looking for, a little hope
Baby said he couldn’t stay
Wouldn’t put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I said, “Honey, I don’t feel so good, don’t feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void.”
He said, “It’s all in your head.”
And I said, “So’s everything,” but he didn’t get it
I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold ’cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works
When it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
‘Cause I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works
When it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know I’m a mess he don’t wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving, it works
When it costs too much to love