apparently better but i don’t really feel it.

sooooooooooooo

dear ladies and gentleman of the crazy world of the interwebs (((LOL)))

I can say without fear, i’m happy

The 27th of July i started a relationship with a wonderful man.

so, how the hell all that happened? well. i have no idea.

what can i say. i met this guy like 4 years ago. but let’s say i “met” him because i had him on my MSN Messenger. He’s from the town i’m living in. i came to live here but we never actually met. i don’t know why really, well, he left to bogota for sometime so i guess that helped. besides i’m not that talkative through msn anymore, so we haven’t been talking that much.

i knew he had a girlfriend back then and he was lost and in love so i didn’t even tried to to something there.

but well, when i had given up completelly he showed up, like “hey let’s go have lunch” and i was like “sure why not?” and i guess we clicked right then and there.

it’s been a sweet trip since then.

i feel in love like i never thought i could feel again. i feel full of energy, which is weird and great.

the weirdest thing is, that right now i’m trying to write down something about how i feel better or how my life sucked before, and i can’t. i mean, i don’t remember how i felt before. like the day before we met. i guess i felt miserable, but i can’t remember. it’s like his love has been the greatest antidepressant i’ve ever been on. because this is how i feel when i take my medicine, i forget all the pain, i can only feel this great sense of normal-great.

and indeed is like when i’m on my meds, i’ve been sad, i’ve been angry, i’ve cried, but i’m ok. i haven’t thought about suicide in this 3 weeks. ok maybe once when i felt really upset about a bad memory, but, i could easily overcome it, with him.

now about the guy. he’s SO patient. ever since day one. he’s so perfectly patient. he stands my mood changes. he’s there for me but i never feel too suffocated or too lonely. he’s there in the perfect measure. he handles my anger just fine.

and it’s funny because he inspires me this patience too. at first it was weird, to get used to be with someone, listen to someone else (i didn’t realize i had become so selfish until i met him!), it was weird but not that hard. i thought it would take me like a month, but well, a week later and the weird feeling was gone!

he’s perfect in an imperfect kind of way. he’s everything i need and dreamed for

right now i’m at bogota, away from him. and i miss him. but i’m happy. it was hard the first couple of days, but it’s been better now, since we’re talking alll the time

i’m on vacations and i plan to rest a lot. reconnect with my stuff here. forget about my job, to be back stronger!

i feel so peaceful writing this. and peaceful is waaay better than just happy. off course i’m happy. but i feel so relaxed. like it’s meant to be. we’re meant to be together to give each other this peace.

i feel loved like i haven’t felt before, and i’m good to accept it. i still don’t believe him when he tells me i’m pretty and special (stupid insecurities…) but still he’s patient enough to repeat it over and over again.

i could write forever a lot of good things about him and us. but i really have to go to take a bath, i’m seeing my nephew in a couple of hours hehehe

and btw, i’m ok with meeting with my bro’s family, because i no longer feel the sadness of the family i’m never gonna have… i feel ok and at peace, because i know, that my man and i are gonna have this family someday because we want to

ISN’T THAT FUCKING GREAT???????????????????

pd: he loves me even with my dirty mouth, so fucking what?

I love you H. all of you, inside and outside.

finally. internet at home again.

good one.