i’m back at this town for work.

i’m doing fine. actually the day i got here i had an exhilariating ‘nerd’s night’ where i had so much fun. i was so happy and sad at the sametime, rollercoaster of emotions, thanks to Horatio Hornblower and Accidental Babies by Damien Rice… it was really good. i wanted to write here in that moment, but i couldn’t i just sat here and enjoyed a lot.

right now i’m resting, i had a nice day by myself, just listening to music, reading fanfiction, pleasing myself -let’s not get into details here-

this week a new fantasy came true, after kinky time *he* was the one that had to go. and i stayed, after it all in my bed, no need to get dressed or fix my hair, no feeling of guilt or worry of ‘what am i gonna say?’ or ‘how am i gonna hide it?’ , no lazyness… it was really good.

it reminded me of an old lover who said that his fantasy was this. he said it jokingly but it was true.

i never thought i felt so ‘full’ to live this situation, and hell yeah it’s a fantasy came true.

what else…. working, things can look good and bad sometimes, so i’m just letting time pass.

my responsability is shining for it’s absence. i feel so lazy and so tired, and i don’t know why.

good part is, i’m taking my meds again, i hope that fixes it. i really hope.

hard week coming ahead, so see yaaa, over and out.

Dear 2008:

i want to welcome you to this earth time.

i would say that i haven’t been expecting you actually. sometime during 2007 i coulnd’t wait for time to pass, right now, it’s all the same to me. somehow it’s always been this way for me. i’ve never expected a new year with any really intense motivation, and you are not the exception.

still i wanna welcome you with, giving my best to have a new attitude, fresh start, and trying to follow what tradition dictates; making some resolutions.

My new year’s resolution would be:

1. Keep working. Actually, work harder.

2. Finally throw away the crap from the old house.

3. Revamp my websites. THIS IS MY NUMBER ONE. I’m gonna redesign, and spend good quality time on them. I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS.

4. I want to take acting classes. I know it’s crazy. and it just poped up in my mind. i’ve been having an overload of BSG and Katee Sackhoff, and for the first time i said out loud (to an empty flat) that i always wanted to be an actress. I wonder if it’s really to late?.. i know it is, but maybe it’s not too late to try to do something fun.

5. I’ll pay my debts. All new dangling shiny happy pleasures, i’ll get them with real money, not getting into bigger debts. EXCEPTION: Online stuff. There’s no other way but credit card *shrugs*

6. I’ll take my medication non stop. Ok this is a hard one, but i’ll try, for this year to take my meds. I’m not having a good start since here i am, first day of the year, and i don’t have them. But i’ll do my best.

7. I’ll try to be friendly. more. surround me with more friends. be more talkative. extroverted. and for this, i need # 6 so… it’s not that important, it’s just a stupid resolution.

8. I’ll try to buy new clothes every month, according to my new-improved-shiny fashiion knowledge given through beautiful magazines hahahahaha. i know it sounds lame, but i actually find it interesting.

9. i’ll try to have a more relaxed atittude. no stress. to archive that. i have to work harder. get things done on time… and this is one resolution i already know i’m not gonna archive

And hell no, no resolutions about my health or my weight. I’ve never made real resolutions, so this year is no exception. i’m just writing some crap, i may or may not archive, i really don’t care (except for #3, that’s my only real resolution).

Let’s see what you bring 2008, if you don’t bring anything at all, it’s ok, i really don’t care. i just really hope, you go as smoothly asn you came.

See ya for a whole year, over and out,

maclau.