well

there’s been an aweful crime commited on a university at the US.

the truth is slowly but firmly coming out to thepublic light.

All i have to say for what is known to today is, the guy was a victim of insanity, a demon born within himself, that grew and got stronger with time, until it finally possesed him and killed him.

it’s everyone’s fault. it’s about his family, his friends, and all of us strangers that never met him, we are all to blame, because we haven’t been able to find a cure for all the insanity we’re born with.

we have this miths in our heads about mental and brain diseases… and it’s not fair. It’s not fair that so many people had to die for this.

people say it can’t be prevented… people say there was no way to stop it. some people say it was and it was about locking the guy in a cage on time.
i think this should be prevented. and the solution isn’t always hidding the sick humans in a cage. a solution should be found. a cure should be created… he isn’t to blame for being born with a mental condition… as we don’t blame the people we know that have cancer, or a tumor… it’s born with you… and in mental issues, you need someone else to notice and help you, give you a cure, or lock you safely away from everyone, for this sad cases where we still haven’t found a cure.

we are victims of the insanity created by our own nature.

i hope after all the pain and the hate, there’s enough brains to stat fighting for a cure, a solution, a prevention for this.

Me with new glasses

Originally uploaded by maclau.

So not much news.
I got back to the gym. I got new glasses, the ones with lens that goes dark at sun light exposure… pretty cool.

Got my package from Creation Ent…. a lot of BSG merchandise, and i’m pretty happy about it!!

That’s all. work is a bitch.

summarizing. I’m back with my prince. He apologized, and i guess that’s all your heart need when the person you love mess up really good. I know things will be different somehow, but i don’t think it’s a bad thing. it’s part of growing up as a couple and as people.

So i’m happy about it, because… i really love him, and i really feel bad without him.

It’s funny to face this thing that nobody believes i love him, hahaha. When i was all shattered about what happened a friend told me “wow, you really love the guy!” and i’m like “what? no way! really?” with obvios sarcasm…
but i’m not offended by that. I’m aware that most girls would love to marry a foreign guy just to get out this country, get another citenzenship, whatever, travel and stuff… i know there’s people like that. funny thing (the part that not many people believe) is that i’m not interested in that.

those who knows me well and for a long time know that i’ve never had planned get out of this country, it’s never been my top priority. so it’s kinda funny. that’s the way life goes.

so back to the nice part, when we’re making things work again, as much as the distance let us, we’re happy i think. i am happy! and i missing him more than ever… i wish i could just be with him.. why is that it can’t be that easy!?

besides that, there’s not much to tell. i’m ok.

signing off!

life’s over

i want some rest

everyone hurts me. i hurt everyone around me.

the sweet prince had a fun fuck yesterday with someone else. am i supposed to accept it? am i supposed to live with it?

 once? twice? how many times more?

well i can’t.

i was born to be alone. the person i want for me does not exist. it’s only in my imagination. there’s no one in this world that would die for me. that would make me feel loved, that would make me feel cared and protected, yet stronger and worthfull.

and that person does not exist because i’m not someone strong or worth for anyone to love… i’m not good

i’m this scum bag wasting the world’s water and air. i should be dead. i want to be dead. what can i do about it? i’m not even able to kill myself. i suck completelly.

but do i suck like to be with someone while he’s fucking around whatever person ??? maybe in my pathetic instinc to survive there’s a little to survive with dignity…. maybe….

whatever. i want to be dead. now.

 and here i am. just like the person i hate the most in the world. choosing to be alone in the world, just like my father.

oh, please kill me now.