so, why does everyone gets so surprised?
i’ve been writing my cries for help in this place a long time ago. i’ve cried it. i’ve talked about it.
i’m so tired.
i feel i can’t go on.
failure after failure.

news flash: i had an argument with my Mr perfect guy.

it feels like we’re never getting married. he says yes, he all interested about it. but nothing concrete. yet he’s at an ugly place, and i’m the bitch of the story wanting him to worry about me when he’s worrying about his life every day.

whatever. so i’m a scum. no news about tha uh?

hey world. piece of shit here. what’s up?

i’ve been travelling between heaven and hell in seconds… i wonder if i’ve gone completelly insane, finally.

i’m so weak. i can’t take this rollercoaster anymore. i’ve gone insane. something inside my brain make a ‘pop’ noise and here i am.

actually no, i’m looking through writing to that blessed moment, where my brain pops and i just stop thinking feeling or anything… and it’s not coming yet.

how can i ask for someone to love me, if i cannot love myself?
how can i ask for someone to stand me, if i cannot do that myself?

how can i expect him to be perfect, if he doesn’t know me. he’s gonna run away from me.

today he said he got scared of me. way to go maclau, you’re such a bitch, scaring your loved one.
he’s gonna realize i suck so much, and he’s gonna leave me.

and then, that day, i’ll die.

Ill finally shot my brains out. as i know i have to. gotta start looking where to get a gun.

sleepy. i’ll try to sleep. bye