thoughts:

• This is all happening for my parents. Not because i deserve it. Not to make me happy. But to make *them* happy, or archive their goals. Reason: they believe in God, and trust him, and talk to him. I’m just a piece of trash in God’s eyes since i don’t talk to him anymore, and i don’t believe in all that anymore.
• R is desperate. He needs a wife and start having kids. It could be me or anyone else, i was the one at hand that’s all.
• I’m this moody because i haven’t been taken my pills on time.
• I want a higher doses of my medication. I phisically *need* something to ease my mind.
• I no longer enjoy my job. I no longer want to spend money, because there’s nothing i can buy with it that can make me happy.
• From time to time my brain is making this ‘pop’ inside and i stop feeling.
• I want to die.
• I feel my friends left me because i deserve it. I haven’t taken care of them.
• There’s no one that could help me get over this shit.
• I need to have patience to get over all this shit.
• I’m lost.