so.

i’m alright, but i cried last night like i didn’t in a long time.

i felt really stupid. and i felt sad. things of beers. we were talking and he told me something i didnt like that much. it hurted. because he said he learned that he can live without me. so for me it’s like he just confirmed what he already knew. so, nothing has changed.

also it drives me mad that when we’re not together he’s like ready to get married and even asks me to go out with him on trips to paris and shit.
but when we’re together -like right now- he’s not so sure.

so shit is like the same. and it really drives me mad and also makes me sad. is he in love with something i am in his imagination? that version of me that comes up when i’m not phisically there to remind him i am the kind of shit i am?

i know things had changed about me. i’m not so anxious about getting married. at least not so extreme like before (’i will get out of my house married’ and shit like that) cuz things has changed and i will leave this house as soon as i can and i get the balls to do it, married or not.
but i still wanna get married, and i am sure about what i feel.

but he’s still the same thing. he’s not sure. he ‘thinks’, he ‘belives’, he … he… always like that, never sure.
what a shit.

so. it’s ok, i can cope with that for some time. but if shit keeps going like that i don’t think this time we will last 2 years for me to get the balls and cut it all.