i don’t know where i was, but.

victor_bustos….
work related, e-mailed my boss to talk shit about me, so i highly dislike this guy.

so, i’ll try to sumarize the most i can about this last month.

Everything is good. i’m afraid to say it’s great because everytime i write that here something awefull happens. So let’s say it’s good
I got a new job, i don’t know if i wrote that here before. but i did, it’s a cool job, working on what i supposedly studied, so i play everyday the act of being systems engineer, and it’s working so far. i’ve been doing good.

new job it’s been the natural change, the first 2 days i couldn’t find myself, but then everythign it’s been flowing slowly good.
i already went to the first work-party with everyone in the office, it was nice. and last week i went to my first lunch with co-workers. it was cool too.

they invited me to go out today to play paintball and carts, but i’m so tired, and i really want today for myself. so… i’m staying home.

but i’m feeling good about it. i’m happy and really have so much expectations, i want to work hard to stay in this job for a long long time.

in my personal life, i can tell you that everything is cool. H now he wants to get married. we had an argument about that, and he thought again and we talked and he’s openminded about it. he wants to marry too (he’s loosing the fear everyday a little more).

We’ve been making plans, we’ve gone to malls looking for the stuff for the house, we’ve made bets we’ve been having fun!
so that’s working nice. After we’re back together, i can say he’s better than before, he’s now more ‘giving’. he buy me presents, and he’s aware that he was a little too tight before. now he’s relaxing and enjoying so nice I can’t tell if i’ve changed. i think i’m more relaxed too. i’m fixing my histeria, i’m being patience, and i’m taking it easy. so i guess he’s happy with me too.

new wages give me enough room to buy my medication, so i’m taking and i think it’s working perfectly fine. it’s been nice because life it’s been helping too, but anyway, i’m gonna take them always. as long as i can.

familiar stuff is so-so, the only thing not so cool is my mother, she’s like always, sick. they found out she’s got glaucoma, so she’s been quite sad about that. and she’s been in and out with her other diseases all the time as well.

our relation is ok. they are kinda happy about my new job. i had serious pla to move out, but then i re-thought about it and decided to stay for 6 months more or so, and help with the house expenses, that way i will feel better to leave later, also it would give us all a time to get in a better relationship.

home is worrying me though. there’s been a lot of attacks to the houses near ours, some people has been trying to stole the things inside them, and in some cases, they have succeded. So we’re like in the edge of being the next one in the list. we’ve been taking care, we have our measures. but anyway, the need of leaving this place is bigger, so i have to start looking for some place for the 3 of us.

that’s all about my life lately. everything cool.

anny news, i’ll post! (L)

so.

i’m alright, but i cried last night like i didn’t in a long time.

i felt really stupid. and i felt sad. things of beers. we were talking and he told me something i didnt like that much. it hurted. because he said he learned that he can live without me. so for me it’s like he just confirmed what he already knew. so, nothing has changed.

also it drives me mad that when we’re not together he’s like ready to get married and even asks me to go out with him on trips to paris and shit.
but when we’re together -like right now- he’s not so sure.

so shit is like the same. and it really drives me mad and also makes me sad. is he in love with something i am in his imagination? that version of me that comes up when i’m not phisically there to remind him i am the kind of shit i am?

i know things had changed about me. i’m not so anxious about getting married. at least not so extreme like before (’i will get out of my house married’ and shit like that) cuz things has changed and i will leave this house as soon as i can and i get the balls to do it, married or not.
but i still wanna get married, and i am sure about what i feel.

but he’s still the same thing. he’s not sure. he ‘thinks’, he ‘belives’, he … he… always like that, never sure.
what a shit.

so. it’s ok, i can cope with that for some time. but if shit keeps going like that i don’t think this time we will last 2 years for me to get the balls and cut it all.