so. yesterday i was like ‘oh everything is gotta get better’ and today… i can’t really tell.

i broke up with my boyfriend. can’t tell how i feel about it.
i just, i couldn’t handle it. i really think i need to be alone, and think and get better. heal and arise. all that shit.

i think i keep hurting him and hurting myself. i think we crash and it hurts and he does deserve something better from me and for him.

i talked to hugo today. i was so curious, i really don’t know why i did it… he’s leaving to france. i heard hom doing good, but still a little hurt with me. like he is still hurt. i bet it’s normal. and i felt ok. not jealous. not hurt. i actually felt ok for him. i’m glad he’s gotta new plans and he’s now talking about ‘getting married in france’ which is cool! not for me, for him! i bet he learnt after all. and looks like breaking up with me was better for him. and i’m glad.

thoughts of his renewed life and perfect future shocked me, so i throw them away. i have to start living by my own and not under the shadow of anyone.

i’m not as smart as he is, i’m not as talented, and i’m definitelly not as lucky as he is. i’m not string like he is. but anyway. i have to keep living. and that’s all
i’m ok, still strong from yesterday. have a lot to think about, and i’m trying hard to keep n track, and not let myself fall into the abiss.