well, not even 12 hours passed since i told my family about the trip, and hell there’s been already a mess.
you have this pretty wrong thing that you tell the good news to the people you care and you think they care so you feel confident, so you get to hear advices and good wishes, and you trust them with your dreams… damn, so false.

but i feel kinda grown up. because i took a positive look at everything my father told me about the trip. and i’m easily forgetting the bad stuff. so i feel like a big good girl that can work this matters just fine.

but i wanted to write this down, just for the only witness of my life since 2002 -my blog and my readers *looks around for readers, find the stalker, kiss him, and keeps writing* - i wanted to write down, just not to forget the fact that no matter how low and lower my selfsteem goes, my father will always find a way to push it lower and lower.

it’s weird the vision he has of myself in his head. he is the only person in this world that see me like i have this huge concept of myself. he thinks that i think that i’m better than anyone else. he thinks that i feel so good of myself, that i feel special and above the average… and hell, go ask someone that half-knows me and he’ll tell you that i push myself below shit…

so, it sucks cuz everytime in my life, that i finally feel for a magic moment that i’m good enough, or special or just lucky, he’s always there to make sure i remember the piece of shit i am.

thankfully, like i said, i feel a little grown up and strong enough to forget about all that. and i have my medication to help my brain do the rest.

btw, i have no pills right now i haven’t got the time to bought them, but i will today. i need them to keep feeling this good.

that’s all, but i’ll keep on living. i refuse to think about the trip until it’s a fact. so, let’s leave it like that for now.