yesterday i was doing shopping with hugo and his mom. i was kind of stressed cuz the place was full of people and that’s so arrrghhh so he looked at me and said ’so what are we going to do when we get married? whos’s gonna go shopping?’ ……. and i felt like melting. it was actually the first time he ever made a joke about that… he usually run away just of the thought… and now he’s joking on me about it??? that was so cute, it’s not like we’re getting married, but just the thought is sweet and makes my heart fill with joy… it feels weird, but good. Made me forgot the whole thing about the place full of people walking in every direction… made it somehow just a pleasant thing… LOL. After that i went to his house and we had a wonderful time together :::::sighs::::: Feeling him resting in my lap, making me forget the ache in my back -and almost every problem in the world- just because we were together… wow. It’s like i’m having sucha idealistic view of life… but hell what can i do? i’m in love! and it’s great… i try to keep my feet on the ground , but… if i don’t let my mind fly to heavently places, then what’s the meaning of being in love?? now i’m blushing just of the thought of seeing his face reading this LOL… hugs and kisses to the world!! i’m happy…

it’s becoming a runaway… not my real intention. i just wanna try writing whatever here to let this thing out… whatever it is… it’s like if you were a writer and you find the first thing on earth you can’t describe with words… it’s like if you were a painter and you find something so beautiful and perfect you can’t paint… it’s like being stuck with a feeling in your throat and finding yourself trying to spit it before it suffocates you…. can anybody understand this?

I feel scared. Not just because the thingie near my breast. It’s about life and love and feelings and how complex it gets. It’s like you live your life trying to keep a blank mind, not trying to picture yourself in situations you know you’ll never get… but then all you can do is be the star of a tale or a cheap soap opera where all you want always so badly is to reach the happy ending… and at some point you reach it… but then you find yourself in another movie, always a better farer happier ending to reach. But then something happens and makes you think that if you’re really enjoying the moment or you’re losing it because of that constant desire of more and more and more… Is this human nature? Or is this just the desires of a soul that knows somehow that her life in this earth is short and must live it at the extreme… I don’t know. It can be confusing. But how can I push a beautiful soul to sucha quickly banishment with me?… Then I think about the pain I’ve caused. I should let my soul rest because there’s been a heavenly payback that I thought I did not deserve… now I’m here. I also, have scars. I am here, normally human, plainly full of fears, doubts and feelings stronger than me. If so, I pray not to be enough special person to be touch by sucha huge burden I don’t think I could be able to carry. It’s just a dot near my breast, but I’m sure it’ll vanish in a couple of days, and I’ll be again back to the fairy tale I live every wonderful day, promising to be long lasting days… long months and years… until my time comes to leave this world, without all that heroism I’m not worthy… just simply human.