I feel so like shit This fucking transdermal patch is killing me I’m crying like crazy and I feel so fucking sad. I spent the whole day thinking about Hugo and forgetting about myself that the fucking obvious truth slapped me in the face in the night. Mi life sucks a big time. I’m so depressed. My fucking so called family suck big time. My fucking father always put me under sucha pressure that I feel like I’m going to kill everybody I find on my way. I don’t know if it’s all because of the birth control shit, but hell I feel so bad. Motherfucker pms I hate it. Mine is prems, postms, permanentms… holy shit. I feel so bad. I’m crying like a fucking child. And I’m all alone. I wanted to see Hugo badly, and we finally saw each other in the night but I was already a piece of crap. He stayed in my living room for a while, and we hold each other so close, and it was so great, but I can’t live always thinking that we will be separated, he will get tired of me –I’m already tired of myself- my fucking father always standing between me and my happiness. I have no life to enjoy; he’s always on my mind, telling me that I’m sucha poor shitty thing. Telling me that I’m doing everything wrong, that I’m so stupid, I will never do anything right. I want him out of my head. And I’m fucking sure it will never happen. Hell I beg for having my last minute in this fucking life without him in my head. He fucking screws my life. My shit, this is so insane. I sound like crazy and I feel like shit. Hugo, he’s so innocent. I know he never reads my fucking blog. So you will see this like in ten years, and baby it’s nothing to do with you, you’re perfect, you’re the most beautiful thing on earth. I love you so much. I make this shit worth bearing. It’s not your fault that I’m feeling like this tonight. –I say it by heart, I promised you ‘no sarcasm’ and you know I haven’t done it anymore- My bf, he’s so busy right now. Fuck. I need him. I feel so like 5 years old. I need protection. I need to feel my safe home. Hugo is my safe home. And he is so busy right now. I didn’t tell him anything. Because I know I can make it sound like shit, and I know he’s got enough problems just to add one more to the list. Fuck I feel better; at least I’ve puked my shit out here. But I’m still a piece o shit… wow, 3 days without Hugo and I forgot how it felt kissing him, and I forgot why I worth my pathetic existence. Why am I so dependant? I need to fix that, I don’t wanna scare my baby… Shit. I’ll take my ‘depression-free’ pills and I’ll go to bed… or maybe I’ll make some dolls… I dunno…. This is the end of this day for blog… you never know how it ends.

so the day ended too quickly. i can’t believe i’ve spend the whole day here in my office, no big deal. i forgot my lunch!! i ate something at 4 pm. I changed the look of my blog a little, at least it’s a little more me. my sweetheart called me an told me he’s ok but he’s still having problems with one class… i hope he can solve that soon. also i talked to one of his friends at work and it was nice… he said something like ‘lucky Hugo’ so, i’m not a bad person at all.

so here i am. my life in this moment is cool. quiet. im getting up to date on my work after the whole week of ‘course’ but it’s ok, i have full time. I have enough time to post in my blog and update my website… everything is pretty normal. My boyfriend. he’s having a *day* today. like solving 2000000000 problems and shit in the university. and i’m very proud of him. i’m not thinking really about myself, i’m all worried about him. I know he’s gonna be fine but i can’t help thinking every 5 minutes ‘how’s he doing’ ‘ what are you doing right know?’… i talk a lot to him even when he’s not with me!!! LOL. I love my sweetheart and i want to be all kisses for him tonight. Note: i recently noticed all the pretty things that now come with the blog… it’s pretty cool… i’ll be enhancing my blog soon.

I’ve been doing a little bit of everything and a little bit of nothing. All day on my computer doing little things for my website. Nothing really remarkable, just things that nobody will notice but will make it better.

I don’t know what to do; I don’t know if I should work on my skills on pixel art or just put up all the surveys I’ve filled… I dunno.

And conclusion: I’m truly on vacations now!!! WOooow good for me. I have all this time to spare working on my site.