Here i am
useless again.

I feels soo sad. Like this emptiness inside that’s growing so much and it’s killing me. feel anger, sadness, like i just wanna die.

I’m so worthless… i haven’t feel like this in a long time… being with J made me forget this feeling.

I have no friends, no family, no one. I’m alone. and my life is worthless, why should i be important?? if i have no one to care about me… J just called… he’s always the only one that cares… but it’s no enough for him to be the perfect one for me…

There’s no perfect one actually… but it’s too bad to wish to be loved the people i love?? and i’m not asking that they all fall in love with me, i just want this people to care about me… ok, i want *him* to care about me… not just because i care about him, it’s because i need it.

I need to know that everything i do is worth… i want to feel that every second i’ve spent worrying about him, thinking about him, wishing him well, trying to make him happy at least a second is worth… is that too much?

Is too much ask him to *feel* at least pitty… but he just don’t give a fuck.
i’m here, dying alone, feeling this pain, and he does not give a fuck.. he must be asleep. or staring at the ceilig of his bedroom, thinking about himself, because there’s nothing else in his mind than him, and his work, and his… and his… and his…

it’s so sad. i’m alone in my room crying.
because nobody cares about me. at least not enough. i wish i could die right now. throw all this shit away. nobody will miss me. it will never happen. i will die and no one will care, no one will remember me, no one will cry… well maybe J. but why it’s not enough??

i feel just like i used to feel before kissing J… it’s just that it’s not M anymore, now it’s about H… LOL. that’s so pathetic…

so fuck off everybody. i wanna die. i wanna die. i wanna die. what are you gonna do? fuck off. nobody cares.