So again. I’m here. Nothing to say. It’s like I want to talk but it’s just stuck on me.
Let’s check my thoughts… I wish you would call. I want to hear you, but we’ve been together for so long that I have nothing to talk about… never felt like this I think. I feel very much lost.

I can’t focus on my work… I don’t know why it is so hard to start with it.
I’m not really thinking of you. I’m like in a freeze frame of a cheap movie. I can’t take this ‘nothingness’ off my mind.

I want to be very close to you. But I don’t know. It’s not you what I want. You’re cold. I need a warm hug. Are you thinking of me? I don’t think so. I suppose you’re with one of your friends… are you talking about me? Nah, you’re definitely doing something else.

But what if you’re thinking of me right now… what would be I you mind right now? Would you be smiling o just staring at some lost point remembering? Have you told your friends already? It would be good or bad comments?

The thing is why I care so much about it. Maybe I just wanna feel special. I want to be part of your life. You’ve said I’m important for you… you’ve done things… but, I still can’t feel it… it’s been like that for ever. I remember that it’s been a huge problem for me… but why did I forget it?? Because of J? Yeah, I guess…

But I still want him to make me feel special. Why? Because it’s so just not like him? Yeah definitely. I want to know that he’s thinking of me. The phone just rang and my heart stopped because I wanted it to be you.

And you will not call. Not today, not tomorrow. Not the day after tomorrow. And I don’t know why I feel like this time it’s gonna hurt. Am I just imagining it? Or is it real? What the hell I feel about him?

It’s like I really wanna broke his heart or something… everyone wants to be loved isn’t it true? So it’s normal what I feel. But still makes me unhappy. Because after what happened today, I want to be with him “when the sun goes down”… he might be at some bar drinking… is he thinking of me?

I can’t understand this…